As parents we must be careful to take time to hear the whole story.
Children and adults are many times very clever at covering up the attacks that they make, sometimes even making themselves look like the victim. Here is how it can happen. Recently I was told a story about a child who was in a group of children that were unfamiliar with each other, only being in a group for a few days. One of the boys kept picking on and threatening another boy, punching him when he thought no one was looking. In fact it went to the point that he threatened his victim with “killing him”. One more act of aggression and the victim punched the bully. Both kids got in trouble, neither were right. When confronted, the original bully, denied everything claiming he had done nothing to provoke.
The point is that we need to be careful. Often the victim is less socially adept than the bully. There may be a tendency for an adult to feel that the awkward child brought it on themselves, sometimes the victim may have a reputation that may lead us to that conclusion. It’s easier to simply eliminate them from the mix than to supportivly work through the incident. But that approach harms both victim and bully.
What can we do? Do not come to conclusions to quickly. Be a careful, fair observer. Listen to the whole story. Ask questions. Allow time for the child to gradually tell the story. Pay attention to the possibility that pertinent facts may be left out of the story by either party. We as adults have a tremendous power in the lives of the children we are around. As parents, teachers or coaches, the children depend on us to be fair and to guide them in how to treat each other well.
Tags: listening
