When a child is the target of a bully there are so many things that go through their mind. First they most likely are afraid, but they may also be confused, sad, angry, intimidated, or they may even feel vindictive. In addition we may see a difference in the way we see them handle themselves. They may no longer be the fun loving happy child that we knew before. Their confidence and ability to try new things may not be there and depending on age they may be holding on to mom or dad more.
As a busy mom or dad we may want to jump right in with the answer we have heard given by so many. Simple catch phrases like “just ignore the bully”, “just walk away”, or stay in a group or with your friends”, may only complicate things as the child may believe this is a problem that they need to handle themselves, or that it is their own fault that it is happening, or they may have heard from others how mature they are and now they feel like they must show that they are mature.
Asking questions that draw out of them details of their relationships with others may give us the clues that we need. We though need to stay calm and not be jumping in with a full blown attack on all involved. Stay calm, carefully weigh your words and not judgmental. At the same time minimizing the issue or making excuses for the bully is not a good idea either. Our child who is a target really wants you to validate how they are feeling, and then they will be willing to accept us as a good resource for training them with the skills to help them solve the problem.
Tags: balanced life, bullies
