I always fought for the underdog because I was the underdog myself, and I can’t stand people who abuse other people. When I was younger, I was bullied because I didn’t have the nicest clothes, or the nicest anything; I was shy, and I stuttered. I had countless fights during recess. I thought it was typical young kid stuff, and the only way I knew how to deal with being bullied was to fight back. At school I kept a tough exterior. I held my chin up high and kept moving forward because I was raised that way.

If I saw someone being bullied, I would get in the middle and fight, no matter how bad it was, and attempt to stop it by punching someone, but that didn’t work because then I became the victim of fights, and the people that I was “saving” weren’t really grateful, anyway. A lot of them would get mad at me and say things like, “Why did you do that?” or “I could have handled that myself.”

One time I got in the middle of a fight. There were three 13-year-olds punching this younger kid, who was about 10. I was 11 at the time. I had no idea why these guys were punching this younger kid, but my moral clock went off and said, “That’s not right,” so I got in the middle of the fight, broke it up, and the 10-year-old ran. The three guys started punching me then, and I lost, with a bloody nose and a black eye.

When I started to attend TST BOCES Community School, everything changed. I realized that violence is not the answer. Violence worked for me in order to deal with bullies, but I don’t condone it at all. Bullies are cowards because they know they’re picking on the weak link. They like to insult people about their clothes, their hairstyle, where they live if it’s not such a nice place. Bullies always push another person to his or her limits, both physically and mentally.

Violence is not the answer. It escalates the situation, and there are bullies in this world wherever you go. Even when I thought I was going to help someone, I knew that punching another person wouldn’t mean they would just walk away — they’d just get back up. Today when I see someone bullying another person, I don’t use physical violence; I step in and try to calm both parties down.

I heard about Phoebe Prince, that girl who ended up committing suicide because she was bullied. I think that’s a sad end to her story. If you’re being bullied, never bottle up your feelings; talk to parents, teachers, counselors, anyone who will listen. I didn’t do that. I wish I had because my situations would have been different.

The person being bullied needs to stay strong; don’t let the bully see that his or her actions are affecting you. Eventually the bully will get bored and move on to someone else.

This article was in the Ithaca Journal and is the result of an interview of a 19 year old boy.  I so appreciate the conclusions that he came to that I wanted to share them with you.

“Bullies only speak one language.They are ALWAYS cowards.If you take a stand and leave a couple in a bloody heap,all of a sudden the bullies disappear.I am not a bully and neither are you.I was a big kid,and easy going as well and bullies used to misread this as weakness and then all of a suddern a freight train ran them over……….it was me deciding enough is enough.THEY KNOW ONE LANGUAGE……PICK ON SOMBODY WHO IS SMALLER,WHO IS MEEK,WHO ISN’T AS STRONG ,ETC.Bad character is ALWAYS a bad judge of character.Being polite and not using your size and strength to intimidate IS NOT weakness.Bullies are cured with one,sometimes two treatments.The really stubborn ones need three.They have an entitled and exhaggerated opinion of themselves and they are a HOUSE OF CARDS EVERY TIME.MAKE THEM EAT SOME LAWN GRASS AND A LITTLE GRAVEL TOO.THEY BECOME MAGICALLY POLITE AND RESPECTFUL.”

While this may have worked for this individual, for himself, I can assure him that the persons who were bullying him, “whom he cured with treatments”, simply moved on to a better target.  They did not stop bullying others and in fact most likely became more intense with their next victim.

So what is the answer?  There are no quick fixes.  There is not any sort of magic fairy dust that can be sprinkled on them that changes them.  All of us are involved in training ourselves and our children in the art of empathy, respect, anger management, manners and a host of other civilized conduct.  It is a way of thinking and feeling.  It is not weak but rather the use of simple tools that we can develop and train.

Everyone of our children deserve to see these qualities modeled by their parents, teachers and role models.  They all deserve to be given the tools, words and emotional strength to feel good about themselves and be strong and yet respectful of others.

This is the self defense that I feel is important to teach our children to use on a daily basis.  The more I study this subject, the more I talk about this with parents and students, the more aware I become of my own self.  I encourage everyone of us to look at the subject of anger and the results.  Discuss it with others and practice calming ourselves down.  Follow my blog at Balanced Life Skills for more information about anger management, teen suicide and bullying in the coming months.  Awareness will make a difference in each of us.

One downfall to modern advances in communication is the overwhelmingly large audience that school bullies have at their fingertips.

John Halligan, a Vermont resident and the parent of a child who committed suicide at age 13 after being subjected to years of bullying, spent nearly two hours yesterday morning speaking about the dangers of cyberbullying before an auditorium packed full of Melican Middle School students.

The chatter and fidgeting that occurred moments before the start of the assembly came to a dramatic halt when the lights dimmed, the Elton John ballad “The Last Song” played from the speakers, and Halligan began a slide show depicting his son’s life.

After he finished speaking, he said the Melican student body was one of the most attentive he ever addressed.

“Oct. 27, 2003, was the day everything changed, and my life has not been the same since,” he said in a booming voice after the slide show ended. “That was the day my cell phone rang at 6 a.m. and my wife, Linda, told me our son, Ryan, had killed himself.”

From there, Halligan talked about his son’s life – the way he’d experienced developmental challenges and worked hard to overcome them, and how a history of bullying can be traced back to when Ryan attended fifth grade in Essex Junction, Vt.

“I think somewhere around fifth grade a meanness switch turns on accidentally inside a kid’s head,” Halligan said, “and sure enough that’s when it started for Ryan.”

The idea to invite Halligan to speak started when Assistant Principal Michelle Karb received a phone call from her mother, a Vermonter herself.

“We wanted to teach kids the dangers and effects of cyberbullying, and last summer I spent a lot of time researching,” Karb said. “Then my mom said she heard about Halligan’s presentation at a nearby school.

“I thought this would fit perfectly with the message we’re trying to promote about respecting others.”

Karb said that spreading the message of respect began earlier in the school year as an initiative to improve school culture and cut down on bullying. Teachers, Administrators, and Students for Kids was formed in the fall to support those goals.

Karb said parents have been overwhelmingly supportive.

“John (Halligan) spoke last night at a meeting for parents,” she said. “We expected about 60 parents to show up but wound up having to seat 120.

“His message had a powerful effect on them.”

Halligan told students yesterday that he had offered Ryan typical parental advice, telling him to ignore the bully. But over the years, the bullying only got worse. When Ryan made the mistake of telling his sworn enemy private information after the bully told him he wanted to be friends, then things changed from bad to worse.

“Ryan started going online in earnest in the summer of 2003,” said Halligan, choking back tears, “and that’s when he faced a new kind of bullying that has no limits, and I cannot imagine the pain and humiliation he faced in a world where information has limitless boundaries.

“It’s easy to hide behind a computer screen or a cell phone and spread mean rumors because there is no way for anyone to stop it.”

After the presentation, Halligan fielded students’ questions. Seventh-grader Jamie Swartout said she’d never forget the presentation.

“I know people who have been bullied online,” she said. “It hurts a lot.”

To read more about John Halligan’s mission, visit www.ryansstory.org.